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Liquor Review: RonRico

RonRico Rum     The name Ron Rico probably conjures thoughts of some sketchy guy with greased back hair, a cheap suit circa 1978, and a porn star moustache.  Most likely this suave fellow is selling used cars, life insurance, or possibly dating your extremely wealthy grandmother, because they connected on a “spiritual level.”  Unfortunately for us, RonRico is actually a rum produced in Puerto Rico and bottled in Kentucky.  I actually believe the bottled in KY part; I think it comes straight out of one of the old radiators in Bubba’s backyard distillery.  This is the only liquor that has honestly made me regret our idea to have bottoms up month.

     If you want to know what RonRico tastes like, go and scrape a little of the gook from the bottom of your trashcan, pour gasoline on it, put all that in your mouth, light it, and then swallow.  Now imagine that horrible flavor actually getting worse after you swallow.  That is RonRico in a nutshell.  Mixing does make it possible to consume this travesty of a rum.  However, it takes a considerable amount of Coke© to drown out the taste.  I really cannot suggest mixing this rum.  I can suggest that you try it as a toilet cleaner, but we actually do not know how effectively it cleans as that is not one of our standard tests.  At the bargain price of $10.50, we knew what we were getting into beforehand.  We were just holding out hope for a diamond in the rough.

     We all know that rums like this exist for one purpose: to get you drunk when your wallet is a little light.  The real tragedy here is that RonRico even fails to accomplish this basic purpose of alcohol.  The bottle claims 80 proof.  I had begrudgingly consumed nearly half of the bottle before I even felt a little buzz.  You would think with the limited effect this spirit had on me, the hangover would be a non-issue.  However, I woke up the next morning with a nice little headache.  Overall, RonRico is a complete failure.  I did find some classic RonRico advertisements from the early seventies.  It seems like they were trying to establish themselves as a decent alternative to Bacardi.  They seemed to be pushing the bright taste aspect of this spirit.  Since bright taste is directly associated with higher levels of acidity, and the fact that this rum burns nicely as it goes down, I think they hit it spot on.

   RonRico is worthless.  It tastes terrible, mixes poorly, did not get me drunk, and still gave me a hangover.  Although, if you have 11 bucks to spare and want to ruin your evening along with the next morning, RonRico is the rum for you!

Sipability - 1.5

Mixability - 4.5

Drunkability - 3.5

Hangover-ability - 5.0

Bang for the Buck - 6.0

Overall - 3.5  rating   

RonRico - Good, Bad, Ugly?
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Comments

  1. SpecialEd
    13 September 9:01 pm

    I completely agree that this stuff is crap. It is a common “well” rum in bars, so most of you out there have probably had it whenever you ordered a rum and coke and didnt bother to mention a brand of rum. Please do yourself a favor and pay the extra buck to get a top shelf rum in the future! I consumed way too much RonRico and had way too many hangovers before it finally occured to me that this stuff may be extra toxic. Rule of thumb: Better booze=less severe hangover.

  2. SmokeAndSpirit
    6 December 10:12 pm

    A few months ago, I hosted a party for about 15 people. Going into the liquor store, I examined the shelves and thought to myself “I need something to get a lot of tasteless people drunk.”
    Then, my savior appeared. RonRico. It was cheap, there was plenty of it, and I could dilute the hell out of it with some extra sugary mixers.
    Curiosity was my downfall. I took one sip of this and realized that I could very well get sued for trying to poison my guests.
    The ONLY, and I repeat, ONLY reason anyone should buy this is if they need to get 20 people drunk with 40$. And even then, you’d still have to buy beer. This stuff is awful and even making frozen and mixed drinks only does a halfway decent job of covering up the taste.
    On the other hand, if you have some unruly neighborhood pets coming to your doorstep, put this stuff in a bowl and they’ll probably never come back (if it doesn’t kill them).
    DISCLAIMER - I accept no responsibility for you killing an animal with Ronrico Rum.

  3. 8 December 6:02 pm

    That was an awesome comment. I laughed pretty hard at that one. RonRico is really some of the worst liquor I have ever tasted.

  4. steve
    23 November 11:51 am

    I can speak at least for Gold Label; it seems as the review was using Silver.

    Does Ronrico Gold Label taste worse than Bacardi Gold? Yes. But not by that much.

    Seems the nastiness of Ronrico is exaggerated. But then again I think this review is for the Silver Label.

  5. steve
    23 November 12:00 pm

    Never mind, I take it back. Ronrico tastes like shit.

  6. 7 December 3:11 pm

    How dare you insult ronrico. This stuff is legendary. You are all soulless bastards and are dishonoring the king of spain by writing this libelous smut about one of the world’s greatest liquors.

  7. hoooooo
    20 December 7:36 pm

    It’s not THAT bad. It’s useful for when you’re low on money.

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