Liquor Review: Three Olives

      I always thought that Three Olives vodka was a really expensive, snobbish type of vodka, but I am pleased to say that I was wrong.  It’s really smooth and really affordable.  Plus, it is a sexy (yes, I said sexy)  kind of vodka.  I think it’s the simple bottle design that does it for me.  I’m really attracted to this bottle but only as a friend, nothing more.

     Three Olives is an ultra-premium vodka from England.  Handcrafted in small batches, Three Olives vodka is made from the finest English wheat.  It’s quadruple distilled and goes through quadruple filtration, removing natural impurities.  This process makes vodka of exceptional purity and smoothness.  All this is printed on the bottle, so it must be true.  And I’ll admit, the taste of this vodka has me believing it.

     Three Olives on the rocks is great.  It has a a pretty simple vodka burn with kind of a light cream aftertaste that really is a surprise.  That flavor is almost addictive.  I can’t drink only one shot.  It’s like a bag of chips, only way better.  Just simply shaken with ice it is very delicious.  If I could do it, I would have the water that comes out of the faucets in my house replaced with this vodka.  And what a good day that would be!

     Now this sexy vodka temptress tastes even better when shes playing with others.  Mixed with Sprite©, it tastes like a cocktail dream.  All vodkas should mix this well.  Maybe I have just become more use to the dirtier vodkas, who knows?  It really adds that smooth taste and vodka sting that every kind of juice, cola, and water should possess.  Three Olives is good.

     This 80-proof vodka also does something well that all liquors should do, it got me drunk.  Not a nasty drunk but a drunk that made me feel like I should be partying it up with hot runway models.  And the models will love me because the ladies like the Three Olives vodka.  Unfortunately, I was too busy that night and could not hang out with all my many model friends.  Girls, you can call me again this weekend.  I think I can find a little time to squeeze you in this weekend.

     Hangover-wise it isn’t as bad as what you may expect from any vodka that you consume in large amounts.  It gave me cotton mouth that would rival anything that Charmin could produce.  Besides that, it wasn’t too bad.

     All in all, this vodka didn’t score poorly in any category.  You can actually go out and pick this bottle up for less than $24.  It is really worth it.  Three Olives also has a very unique and elegant bottle design.  If you like to collect your empty liquor bottles or, as we like to call them, “trophies of conquest,” this is a must-have.  So if you haven’t already purchased a bottle, go out and buy Three Olives.  You are going to need something for all the hot models that come to the house.  They aren’t going to want to just drink water all night.  They are going to want martinis, and Three Olives is going to be just the vodka for the job.

Sipability - 7.0

Mixability - 8.5

Drunkability - 7.0

Hangover-ability - 7.0

Bang for the Buck - 8.0

Chick-appeal - 7.0

Overall - 7.5  

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