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Liquor Review: Captain Morgan 100

Published on December 15th, 2008 in Rum by Wade

What is it about this time of year that makes me wants to drink from sun up to sun down? Maybe it’s all the happy people buying gifts for the people they have to act like they care about once a year, maybe it’s those annoying Christmas songs that seem to be playing everywhere, or maybe it’s the fact that I can’t turn around without having to see a picture of a fat old man and his disease infested pets. Either way, I still feel the same. Christmas sucks and I need to drink to make it through. Luckily, the people at Captain Morgan delivered a real gift for all seasons. Captain Morgan 100 was that gift, and it brought back my hope in men dressed in silly red outfits.

Any frequent visitor to our site knows by now how Captain Morgan creates their delicious rums, so I’m going to opt to tell the bottle history of this one. Captain Henry Morgan, the legendary buccaneer, was appointed Governor of Jamaica in 1680. He and his men became famous throughout the Caribbean for their love of adventure and their taste for the finest rum. Legend has it, they stored their high-proof rum in charred oak casks in order to give it a smooth, mellow taste. Today, this very tradition lives in Captain Morgan 100-proof spiced rum, a secret blend of fine Puerto Rican rums and select spices. All of this can easily be read off the back of the bottle, but now that you read it here, you don’t have to worry about all that.

When rums get to 100-proof, there’s not a lot of room for differences in taste. Let’s be honest; it’s going to burn like chestnuts over an open fire. This might be considered a good thing, seeing how the alcohol burn cancels out the burn from the holiday spirit that plagues us all this time of year. The smell is a very enjoyable one. It’s a sweet vanilla scent with a light rum chaser. The taste, on the other hand, isn’t quite as nice. It’s a weak vanilla flavor that tastes like it has been aged in a metal cask, but that could just be from the high alcohol proof. Nothing 100-proof is going to taste like candy unless you have a serious drinking solution (I don’t like to use the phrase drinking problem because it implies something is wrong). Another thing that this rum has in common with all other 100+ proof rums is that no matter how much you mix it, you still know what you are drinking. The flavor stays the same even when its mixed. Captain 100 doesn’t mix with others as much as it makes others mix with it. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing; it’s just that metal-vanilla aftertaste doesn’t go away, and I don’t think it ever will, no matter how much you water down the drink.

Now on to business; Captain Morgan 100 clears all the jingle bells, sleighs, and other people’s happiness right out of the system and replaces it with a whole new definition of “happy” holidays. Captain gives the one gift that only this man in red will bring, and that’s a good drunk. It’s a damn good drunk. One too many shots of this stuff, and you will be decking the halls with something that you will have to scrub up in the morning. After about six shots, I was looking at the toilet wondering if we were going to become better friends that night. Lucky for me, we didn’t, but I was wishing that we did in the morning. I had about four more shots that night and later realized that was a mistake. They aren’t called 100-proof hangovers for nothing. My headache was brutal. My head was throbbing at such a rate that a single ‘ho’ could have brought me down. When I looked at the bottle, my body started to cringe. Luckily, I didn’t have to go to work, and I could just lay in front of the TV for most of the day.

So this Holiday season, one man in red will bring you the gift of a delicious light, vanilla, 100-proof drunk, and the other….well, he never really brings anything but those stupid candy canes and depression. True Ol’ Saint Nick won’t leave you with a hangover in the morning like the Captain 100 will, but he does break into your house and does perverted things on your couch while you are sleeping. The Captain is going to charge you around $26 for his gift. Santa will steal cookies and milk from you, literally stealing food from your children’s mouths. I’ll let you decide which one to trust for your special season. You can choose the guy who will bring you the one gift you know that will be a great time for you and all your friends, or you can let this guy break in with his ‘ho’s and dirty animals just to leave you a pair of socks.

Sipability – 6.5