Let me open by asking “why?”  Why, Dionysus (Greek god of wine, intoxication, and everything good)?  Why would you let this this liquor be released upon the earth below?  Are you upset with us, your loyal alcoholic followers?  Was it your contempt for all the non-believers of booze?  I offer my apologizes to you in hopes that you will end this liquor plague know as Montezuma tequila.  I think this tequila is the real Montezuma’s revenge.

    I couldn’t find much on the history or how Montezuma is actually made.  I guess they want to keep it secret…a sad, sad, secret that no one should know.  But seeing how it is my job to inform you of these things, I’m going to take a stab in the dark at it.  Montezuma Aztec Gold tequila is made through a complex process in the darkest parts of Mexico.  First, they find the nastiest Mexican bar they can find, which probably isn’t too difficult Mexico.  Then they proceed to find the finest ingredients and mix them with the finest agave plants to make quite tasty tequila.  They must then proceed to give this fine tequila to all the patrons of said watering hole until they are completely wasted, can barely stand, and aren’t able to keep moist air down, not to mention another shot.  Once the mad dash to the bathroom concludes, the patrons start to puke up all the fine ingredients and tequila flavor from the nights events, this is known as Montezuma’s distilling process.  All the fluids left over from the “distilling process” are flushed into a huge metal container made of the finest craftsmanship where all the chunky parts are filtered out.  When the process is over, the fluid appears to be a golden color.  Once the liquid is drained out of its metal housing, it is bottled and sent to America.  Well, at least that’s how I think it’s made, but that’s just my own conjecture.

    Montezuma has a very distinct smell, much like the smell of vomit.  I have admit that when I tasted it, I wasn’t surprised to find it tasted almost exactly as it smelled.  I actually immediately threw the shot of it back up.  This is the first time I have ever seen my body reject liquor sober.  There is a positive side to it coming back up, and that was it covered the horrible burn from tequila with the horrible burn of throw-up.  The best way I can describe the taste of Montezuma is to liken it to waking after a long night of drinking and going about your day but getting those burps that are half burp, half puke.  That is what this tequila tastes like.  As of now, that kinda of throw-up burp is now called Montezuma.

    Mixed, I have to say unless you are going to make Margaritas out of some really quality mix (if you are buying quality mixers, you should go ahead and get better tequila), you are going to taste the wrath of Montezuma’s revenge. Besides that, hiding Montezuma behind a mixer is like hiding a horse in a hay stack.  If what to know what your favorite mixer tastes like if you were to mix it with the flavor of what you created on your knees in the morning in front of your toilet, try it mixed with Montezuma.

    I can’t tell you how drunk this 80-proof tequila made me because it was nearly impossible for me to keep it down.  And if I can’t keep it down, how can it give me a hangover?  I’m going to go ahead though and give a low, fitting hangover rating that would compare to most cheap tequila then subtract a little more since you will have to force this tequila down your throat.  Any liquor you have to force down, won’t have much trouble coming up.  It will probably leave you feeling like the drunk, easy girl after a frat party (there’s really no clarification needed for that statement).  Let’s just say, “bad times will follow.”

    You can probably find Montezuma for around $17 at your local booze-gathering place, but I would recommend just saving your money.  There are better tequilas for a few more bucks.  There’s no reason to buy this tequila.  It smells bad, tastes bad, looks bad, hell, even the label on bottle is pretty ugly.  Next time you go to a bar to get a tequila drink and see the bartender pour Montezuma in your cup, just reach over the bar and slap him or her (women can be awesome bartenders), then leave.  If they have Montezuma behind the bar, you probably don’t need to be in that place anyway.  If you want a cheap tequila stick to Jose Cuervo or anything else.  Montezuma is gold that the Aztecs can keep.

Shootability - 2.0

Mixability - 3.0

Drunkability - 2.0

Hangover-ability - 2.5

Bang for the Buck - 3.5

Overall - 2.5  

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    Anyone who has read our page in the last few months should already know about our new found love interest in Trago tequila.  Well, all good things have to come to an end, and our love for Trago tequila concludes with Trago Reposado.  It’s true.  I don’t love the Trago Reposado because the word “love” isn’t strong enough for me.  I suggest that since I know no word stronger than love, I wish to submit this entry to the dictionary:

trago - noun, verb, adjective, trago·ed, trago·ing

-verb
1. to adore something or someone far more than the word love could ever express

-adjective
1. better than great
2. ridiculously good

-noun
1. a delicious tequila
2. Jessica Biel

    Webster, think about it and get back to me.  This is the best f-ing reposado tequila that I have ever put in my mouth.  It is the best tequila I have ever tasted, not counting the Trago Añjeo (the jury is still out on that choice).  There is no reason for a tequila to be this good!  I just hope by reading this review that you can understand why I “trago” the Trago Reposado. 

    I’m not going to waste your time again giving you a history lesson about Trago.  If you don’t know it by now, you can check our Trago feature article, Blanco review, or Añejo review to see where all the magic started.  I’m just going to dive right into the tasting points.

    When the scent from this bottle hits your nose, you can immediately smell that there is something dfferent about this reposado.  It’s got a buttery-sweet and slightly spicy scent.  When sipping Trago Reposado, you might describe the taste as something similar to the scent of a bouquet of roses.  There is a very soft tequila burn that you might expect from all tequila, but it never burns to the point where it becomes too much.  Instead, when it feels like it going to start burning too much, it dissipates and leaves a buttery-sweet agave taste in your mouth.  After the clean, dry aftertaste, I couldn’t tell if I just taken a shot of tequila or just eaten the best piece of cake in the world.  It’s like an 8-foot-tall monster of a man walking up to you and saying, “I’m going to kick your ass” then walking away, sending Jessica Biel over to sit half-naked on your bathroom sink.  I mean, just look at her sitting there!  There is no reason for her to be that “trago.”  I’m sorry, it’s hard for me to focus with that picture there.

    Personally, I was against the whole idea of mixing Trago Reposado…until I tried it.  I tired it mixed simply with Sprite©, and it was so good I wanted to slap the person who gave it to me for not bringing it faster.  All the flavor was turned up 5x, and the burn remained just enough to remind me that tequila memory loss may soon follow.  Lucky for me, that wasn’t the case this time.  After drinking a little more than 30% of the bottle, I had a pretty good buzz going.  I could tell that if I kept drinking at the same rate, I would find myself in the bathroom the next morning, bent over the sink, looking “trago” sexy, sitting there like the best Christmas gift, ever.  Sorry, I started looking at that picture again.

    The hangover the next day wasn’t anything outside of a weak headache.  It was probably the best tequila hangover I have ever experienced (when not throwing up the night before).  As far as headaches go, I could tell that this one was only going to get worse if I let it go unchecked, so I had a little snack and some pills to wipe the sucker right out.

    I know $65 for a 750ml bottle of tequila is a bit much, but if you are a tequila lover or someone who likes trying new expensive liquors, this one is a must-buy.  If you don’t like tequila, this one is still a good buy.  I’m just not sure someone who isn’t a tequila lover will want to give up 65 big ones for a delicious tequila.  Just know that buying one bottle might cause a Trago addiction and might make all other tequilas taste like liquid sadness.  I believe that everyone who likes to drink a lot and even social drinkers need to try Trago Reposado.  Just try it at least once, so your life won’t feel like a total waste.  Everyone needs to find something in life that he or she ”tragos” more than anything.  Hell, I’m having Trago now, and I’m “tragoing” it.  That’s Trago Reposado, not Jessica Biel on the bathroom sink, giving me something other than tequila to look for everyday when I get home from work.

Shootability - 9.0

Mixability - 9.5

Drunkability - 6.5

Hangover-ability - 8.5

Bang for the Buck - 3.5

Overall - 8.5   

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    I’m sure every drinker has heard of Grey Goose vodka.  If you drink and you haven’t, what the hell are you doing with your life?  Where have you been?  Are you still living in your mother’s basement?  Why doesn’t she have a bottle?  I digress.  Before I fashioned myself a drinker, I knew of Grey Goose and Belvedere and heard tales of their premium quality.  Flash forward a couple years (yes, I said a couple, are you calling me a liar?), and now that I am a bit seasoned, it’s only natural to question things I have been taught.  Now that we started BoozeBasher, I get to share my self-indulgent findings with our unsuspecting readers.

    Grey Goose is distilled in the famous Cognac region of France from wheat harvested south of Paris and is imported to the US by the Sidney Frank Importing Company.  Goose is distilled in a continuous still and uses alpine spring water that has been filtered through the limestone plateaux of the Massif Central.  Grey Goose was released as a competitor to Absolut, but it was placed at a higher price point to suggest high quality.  Many actually attribute this vodka as being an inspiration for other high-priced vodka, as Absolut later released Level at a similar price, and other vodka brands began to appear more frequently at the higher price point.  We at BoozeBasher don’t like anyone driving up our liquor prices, but if it really means higher quality, we might be able to let it slide.

    The scent of Grey Goose is very much a classic vodka smell.  It’s a faint rubbing alcohol-like odor that does wonders for clearing the sinuses, but there is actually a little more underneath.  If your nose hairs survive repeat sniffings, you can pick up on the cooked grain scent with a slight smokiness and a hint of vanilla.  On ice, the cooked grain smell really opens up and pairs with the alcohol scent to launch an assault on the senses that will drive the vodkaphile mad with anticipation. 

    Goose goes down smoothly, and it really warms the pallet after the finish.  It’s a rather pleasant experience to sip over ice.  The taste could prove to be a little harsh for the casual vodka drinker because there is a definite sting of alcohol, but the cooked grain flavor really provides an enjoyable taste.  It’s nothing that is really going to knock your socks off and have you calling all your friends, but you will definitely be pleased.  While it may not be as flashy and unique-tasting as Cîroc, a newer French vodka creation that really innovates in the area of sipping taste from using a blend of grapes, Grey Goose does well to set itself apart along the more traveled path of grain vodka.  The aftertaste of this spirit is what makes it so satisfying.  You can easily pick up on the vanilla in the aftertaste.  It leaves a dry, warm, and inviting taste in your mouth.  Drinking Goose with Sprite© subdues the flavor a good bit, but it almost completely cuts all of the sting and alcohol taste.  Although the flavor is cut a good bit, you can still pick up on the cooked grain essence.  Though it doesn’t seem to add anything out-of-this-world to mixed drinks, it certainly blends very well, which is an attribute that many look for in a vodka.  

    After consuming four shots worth of the 80-proof Goose, I had a good, smooth buzz.  It wasn’t anything incredible, but it did give me a warm and almost content feeling that I rarely experience sober.  Once I drank the four shots, I even managed to venture forth from my cave-like dwelling for a bar adventure.  That’s a plus to reviewing Grey Goose; they tend to serve it pretty much everywhere.  As I was consuming another stiff Goose drink, I noticed two attractive females at the bar giving me “the look.”  It was so obvious that a drunken Wade even noticed and echoed my perceptions.  I was intrigued.  After Wade was greeted by the two with an uncharacteristically-positive response, I tapped into the liquid courage Goose gave me and approached the pack.  Things went downhill shortly afterwards.  I have no idea what happened, but it was obvious that they didn’t want to converse with me.  Could they have been eyeing Wade the whole time?  Surely not.  That experience will remain a mystery to me until drinking graciously removes that memory from my mind.  I’ll give Grey Goose a good mark for the drunkability simply for providing the social lubricant required for me to talk to unknown women. 

    The next morning didn’t give me too much trouble.  I awoke in good spirits.  I had some serious cotton mouth, but I was able to vanquish it with a little water.  I did experience slight nausea after being awake for a few hours, but that didn’t last long at all.  I don’t know if I can fault Grey Goose for that one; I might just blame my life pains for it.

    At a little over $30 for a 750ml bottle, Grey Goose is certainly not the most expensive vodka on the shelf, but you aren’t likely to be purchasing it with spare change you find in your couch either.  You can definitely find more interesting vodkas out there for that price.  However, if you are looking for a high-quality classic taste, you can’t go wrong with a bottle of Goose.  I guess my liquor “educators” knew a thing or two about vodka after all.   

Sipability - 7.0

Mixability - 7.5

Drunkability - 7.0

Hangover-ability - 8.0

Bang for the Buck -  5.0

Overall -  7.5 

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