This month, the BoozeBasher staff decided to face one of our nemeses (no, not sobriety and how dare you bring that up).  We are talking about all things Cognac, or at least three of them.  It is no secret the BoozeBasher staff is not a fan of this French spirit, but we decided to put on the big boy pants and take a shot at tasting this stuff.  We picked out two of the more common brands popularized by the Rap/Hip-Hop scene: Hennessy and Courvoisier.  The third, Jacques Cardin VSOP, was thrown in as a similarly-priced alternative for those that do not want to buy into the hype.
 Results by Reviewer

Cognac	Kevin	Hunter	Wade	Dan	Paco	Average
Courvoisier V.S.	1	1	1	2	2	1.4
Jacques Cardin	2	2	2	1	3	2.0
Hennessy V.S.	3	3	3	3	1	2.6

   First off, we have never understood a liquor that requires the drinker to acquire a taste for it.  You should never have to work hard at enjoying something.  Secondly, Hennessey is a vile liquid.  We simply cannot understand why people continue to pay $35 for a bottle of this stuff.  It has an overpowering sharp taste that burns your mouth and throat as it goes down.  Just think of everything a liquor should not be, and you have Hennessy in a nutshell. 

    Courvoisier was the easy favorite of the group.  It has a lighter, smooth flavor and is considerably sweeter than Hennessy.  The BoozeBasher staff gives Busta Rhymes a gold star for picking Courvoisier to rap about, unlike a number of other artists who seem to enjoy the previously mentioned garbage.  Mixing Courvoisier with cola actually produced a pretty tasty drink, something I could see myself sipping on all night.  The final contender, Jacques Cardin, is a decent alternative if Courvoisier is unavailable and is still worlds better than Hennessy.

   After this little tasting, we still don’t like Cognac, unless it is infused with prodigious amounts of vanilla.  However, in Courvoisier, we did find a liquor that we could see ourselves spending a little time with in the future.  Eventually, we might even learn to like the stuff…but probably not.

    If George Smith were alive today, I’d shake his hand.  Not that he’d give a damn to shake mine, but I do admire the man’s accomplishment and contribution to society, the society of Scotch drinkers that is.  His distillery is responsible for creating some of the finest single malt Scotch whiskey around.  On second thought, maybe I wouldn’t try to shake his hand.  The Scotsman carried a pistol around for self-defense after receiving threats from other whiskey distillers.  His competition was angry due to the fact that he illicitly distilled whiskey and later was the first to apply for and receive a production license.  So maybe I’ll just keep my distance and enjoy his products.

    When it comes to The Glenlivet products, the 12 year is the bottom of the barrel, yet it sits atop of many bars.  That’s just how good this stuff is.  Not to mention, it’s the best selling malt whiskey in the United States.  The Glenlivet 12 is a single malt Scotch whiskey distilled in Moray, Scotland.  At the heart of this whiskey is the pure mountain water, rich with minerals from Josie’s Well, which conveniently lies close to the distillery.  Only the highest quality barley and yeast are used.  Uniquely-shaped copper stills provide extra cleansing of impurities during the distillation process.  The maturing process takes place in oak casks made from American oak that once contained bourbon, giving the whiskey the delicious oak and vanilla flavor.

    The Glenlivet 12 year is the youngest of seven.  We have something in common because I am too.  It’s a good thing my older siblings are not bottles of whiskey or they’d be long gone.  The 12 year is only the second Glenlivet reviewed by the BoozeBasher crew, so we get to enjoy plenty more of these Scottish treats.  Okay, time to focus on the little brother.  Why not little sister?  Because this is a man’s drink!

    One interesting thing we all seem to notice right from the beginning is the character of the bottle.  This may sound strange to you non-Scotch drinkers out there, but to us, the Scotch seems to have slight taste variations from bottle to bottle…not to mention effects.  You might be thinking that it has something to do with the mood of the drinkers.  Well, we don’t think so.   If that is the case, then why do other liquors not provide the same phenomenon?  Whatever the reason is, it’s kinda cool.  Every bottle is good, but once and a while a special one comes along with a more serious, potent taste to it.  Those are the ones that make the evening interesting.  These bottles of Scotch definitely have character.

This is the perfect time to define a new term:

bottlecharacteriality: the theory in which a small percentage of the same brand single malt Scotch whiksey can have highly favorable effects on a drinker or drinkers causing abnormal behavior and greatly increasing the chance of female interaction.

Can bottlecharacteriality be fact?  It’s going to take much more research to determine that.  If you have any experience with bottlecharacteriality please share it with us so I don’t feel like a complete moron.

    For the taste test, we focused on the sipability with a nice poor on the rocks without any water.  There’s nothing like the smell of a good Scotch.  The rich scent of oak, vanilla, and a hint of fruit radiate from the glass.  At first, the taste is more of oak, but a few moments later, the other flavors in the scent come out in the aftertaste.  The aftertaste is fairly light and dry, and it lingers for awhile as well.  It’s damn delicious!

    After enjoying four delicious drinks on the rocks and absolutely sucking at guitar, I was feeling pretty good.  Being the end of a very long work week, I was a bit tired, but to my surprise, the Glen kept me going for awhile.  There’s nothing like a nice pour of Glen on the rocks after a horrible week of work b.s. while being stuck in that damn cube.  I think I had at least five shots worth and later capped it with a few beers.  It was a very clean, relaxing buzz, but when 2a.m. came around, it was time to call it quits.  This bottle was at the lower-end of the bottlecharacteriality spectrum, but it still tasted great.  In the morning, I had a light hangover and minor dehydration.  After a few glasses of water and some bacon and eggs, I was good to go.  This stuff will definitely give you a good drunk, but the hangover can be substantial.  The Glenlivet 12 is highly recommended by the BoozeBasher crew, but it is a bit pricey.  A 750ml bottle averages close to $33.  This is the lowest in the product line of Glenlivet, so the price gets worse for some of the older siblings.  On the other hand, The Glenlivet 12 makes an occasional treat that is well worth the few extra bucks.  If you disagree, we certainly don’t blame you.  That’s currently a whopping seven gallons of gas for the 12 year.  Best of luck scoring high in bottlecharacteriality next time you buy some of The Glenlivet 12!

Sipability - 8.0

Mixability - N/A

Drunkability - 8.0

Hangover-ability - 6.0

Bang for the Buck - 6.0

Overall -  7.5   

    Though I claim ignorance of most pop culture, especially “urban” stuff or anything perpetuated by the cancer that is MTV, I knew we couldn’t escape reviewing Hennessy.  Hennessy V.S cognac has been made popular in recent years by Hip-Hip/Rap music, so all of the self-proclaimed urbanites flock to it at the bar when they want to feel classy or upscale.  That’s just wonderful, but is this a liquor that is worth the hype?  Once again, we at BoozeBasher do the dirty work of discovery for you. 

    Hennessy ages their V.S cognac for up to 8 years in new Limousin French oak casks.  They claim V.S is a blend of 40 or so different brandies that are selected from the cognac region of France.  They claim the blend and maturation give the final product a bold yet harmonious taste with very subtle nuances.  It’s packaged in a simple bottle with a logo of what looks to be a knight’s arm holding a battle axe.  I’m too lazy to research its meaning, but I’m going to assume it means that the “bold” taste is going to slaughter your taste buds. 

    The smell of Hennessy is pretty potent.  A whiff of this stuff will have you backpedaling if you aren’t prepared for its boldness.   If you can get past the slap in the face of the fruit aromas that are reminiscent of a cheap red wine,  you will notice a subltle spiciness with hints of vanilla and oak.  I was hoping the taste would be dominated by those subtle flavors, but it just wasn’t in the cards.

    In the traditional fashion, we sipped Hennessy neat to give our sipability rating.  No one was impressed by the neat taste.  Hennessy is extremely “bold” up front, so “bold” in fact that it makes my tongue cringe every time it enters my mouth.  All of the flavors combine to give you an upper-cut to the gut.  Maybe I should have taken the battle axe on the bottle as a warning.  The finish, unfortunately,  is also quite strong.  If you focus really hard on the taste and ignore your watering eyes, you can taste the yummy little vanilla and oaky spiciness that, as I previously mentioned, was hoping would dominate this cognac’s taste.  You have to pay close attention though because soon after Hennessy goes down your throat, a sinister burn quickly follows.  I’m all about bold and complex flavors, but Hennessy’s V.S really takes the boldness too far.  The finish is a dry one with a hint of oakiness, but the flavor of rotten grape comes along too.  With those flavors combined, the finish can be likened to licking a used ashtray.  Honestly, it was that offensive to my pallet.  when it comes to liquor, I expect a much more pleasant experience for a $35 750ml bottle. 

    Hennessy proved to be more drinkable when mixed with Coke.  The Coke takes away most of the sucker punch to the gut, but at the same time, it drowns out the yummy spicy and oaky flavors.  It would be much cheaper to purchase a can of Coke and drink it from a dirty ashtray, and the taste might be comparable.  The finish with Coke is still pretty foul, and there is still a slight burn.  Though not tasty, the mixture is much easier to stomach and made for relatively easy consumption.  After a few drinks,  I began to convince myself that I was just drinking a coke that was garnished with bad fruit.  I was easily able to toss back the four shots worth of Hennessy V.S after cutting it with the Coke.

    After tossing back the required amount of this stuff and cursing MTV and pop culture for making this stuff popular,  I noticed a slight buzz.  It definitely wasn’t anything too fantastic, but I became mellow and felt like my nerves had been calmed a little.  That was a plus, but the fact that I was only slightly buzzed makes me doubt Hennessy’s 80-proof punch.  After consuming my Hennessy, I felt the need to enjoy a little video  “entertainment” on my computer.  I was baffled by the trendy elevator music that blared from my speakers when I depressed the power button.  I didn’t recall having heard that music washing out the brilliant intellectual discourse in my video previously, and I was even more startled when the music didn’t pause with my video.  I noticed the Hennessy website window was minimized and let loose a sigh of relief when the music stopped after closing it.  Hooray for uninterrupted entertainment!

    The morning after my Hennessy debauchery, I felt like a new man.  I was a little groggy but overall, refreshed and alert.  Though they may have failed when it comes to taste, Hennessy must actually use quality ingredients to make their product.  My lack of a hangover stands as proof.  Maybe they just need to rethink the mixture of everything, or perhaps my taste buds just aren’t refined enough to derive pleasure from drinking Hennessy V.S, but it would take a good bit to convince me of that.  If you think you can handle it, give the stuff a try and let us know your opinion.   

Sipability - 4.0

Mixability - 6.0

Drunkability - 5.5

Hangover-ability - 9.0

Bang for the Buck - 6.0

Overall -  6.0