This isn’t new news, but North Carolina has banned the inhalation of alcohol fumes for the purpose of achieving drunkenness.  That’s right folks, scientists in the U.K. invented a vaporizer that turns liquid alcohol into a vapor that can be inhaled, causing a quicker drunk than drinking can.  I myself enjoy imbibing the liquid form of what I only assume is the closest thing to any “heaven” that either I or any bible thumper may achieve.  The machine is called A.W.O.L (alcohol without liquid).  The benefits of inhaling, rather than drinking, alcohol are a reduction of calories and lack of a hangover because you will not get dehydrated…sounds like a good deal to me.  Inhaling the alcohol will get you drunk faster, not make you any fatter than you already are, and won’t leave you with a messy hangover, though you may still puke all over your toilet…or the bar parking lot, your friends car, an unsuspecting hottie at the bar…whatever.

    The Reverend Mark Creech, executive director of the Christian Action League of North Carolina, credits himself with the ban.  The “good” reverend was quoted, “Imagine what would happen if users could fast track the mind-altering effects of alcohol and, at the same time, sidestep the hangover.  That’s exactly the appeal of AWOL.  It is not complimentary of the great State of North Carolina that this new scourge for alcohol abuse is being marketed from within our own borders.”  So any of you readers out there in North Carolina can thank him for your hangover after a night of happy drinking.

    For those interested, A.W.O.L is still available in most non-religious nut job states and can be purchased here.  I personally like drinking my booze, but a quick fix would be a nice way to start the evening.  Zero to drunk in half a second…that sounds like the beer bong reinvented.  I am all for it, anyone wanna go in on a machine with me?

Thanks to Reason Magazine for the information which was provided in written format originally on June 21, 2007 by Jacob Sollum.  

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    I was perusing the internet, bored at work and unable to drink, searching for interesting tidbits about my friend and yours, booze.  I happened upon an article titled “Bar drinks on the large side,” graciously provided by the Washington Post, written by Randy Dottinga.  Now that credit is given where credit is due, on to the response.

    At first, I was shocked.  Had restaurants and bars started serving more delicious liquor in their drinks?  No, impossible!  I frequent my local establishments, and I have not noticed a quantity increase.  Maybe they are actually putting more liquor in the drinks…no, I have never had a drink at a bar that was as strong as the ones I mix at home.  Wait a tick, I retract that statement.  There was one night at my late, beloved Cava Blue when dear bitch Courtney made me a delicious Wade and Zach’s bong water that was very strong and tasty.  Sorry, I got off topic there.  Anyway, the restaurants are not adding more booze to their drinks, if anything they are more watered down.

    I read on, curious as to what the author meant by large drinks.  Apparently, the standards of a drink have not changed in many moons, while the sizes served have increased.  According to the researchers from the Public Health Institute’s Alcohol Research Group, the alcoholic quantity of the drinks have increased while the old standards have remained the same.  Alcoholic mixed drinks and wine were about 42-43% larger than accepted standards…go team drunks!  While draft beers were about 22% larger than the standard.

    What does this mean to we drinkers of booze?  Not a whole lot, as I am sure you have all noticed most booze drinks are about half water at your typical bar.  However, beer and wine drinkers can let loose a cheer and rejoice knowing that they are almost doubling the standard consumption when drinking one beverage.  These increased amounts do mean that while you are enjoying libations at your favorite watering hole, you need to watch your by-the-hour consumption because one glass is equivalent to almost two drinks, and we all know how sneaky Mr. Liquor can be.  One shot turns into ten, and a nice night in your own bed turns into lying in a puddle of your own vomit in a parking lot.  Well, at least it does for me.

    Now I am sure that everyone reading this has a calloused, weathered liver like my own, so I am not about to lecture you on safe drinking practices.  You all should know your limits by now, and if you don’t well, half the fun is figuring out your limit.  Drink up, drown those sorrows, and make sure you wrap it up.  No one likes an unexpected child.

link to article:

http://www.projo.com/health/content/lb_bar_drinks_pack_more_punch_07-13-08_LOAN08_v5.1c2a4a7.html

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     With the aid of a little know-how and a massive set of balls, thieves made off with a tractor-trailer loaded with booze early Sunday morning, 27 April 2008, from Langley, Virginia’s 3D Transport.  Unfournately for them, the trailer was only a partial load and the thieves’ haul was less than $200,000 of inexpensive wine and imported beer.  The load contained 500 cases of Peroni beer, 720 cases of Castle Lager, 112 cases of Trivento red wine, and 56 Cases of Max Reserva Shiraz.

The thieves managed to take a truck, connect it to the trailer, and leave the compound all under the nose of a security guard between 3 a.m. and 7 a.m. The truck and trailer were found abandoned and empty on 26th Ave. in Surrey at 7 p.m.  The booze was supposed to have been delivered to the Alberta Liquor Board in Edmonton, but I guess it was delivered to a set of thirsty drinkers instead.

       Funny, it might have been more profitable had they taken the time to read the bills of lading on nearby trailers.  Three other trailers parked in the truck compound on Allard Crescent were loaded with liquor worth closer to $800,000, the usual value of a load, said a representative for the trucking company.  Let that be a lesson to all you would-be liquor truck theives out there.  Take the extra second to shop the nearby trucks as well.  That way, you can ensure you are getting the best deal on your five-finger-discounted booze.

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