Ever wonder what that bottle of booze wearing the little black hat might be?  Well I’ll introduce you to it.  It’s name is Broker’s, and it’s gin.  He’s charmed to meet you, and I know you feel the same way.  Broker’s Premium London dry gin, imported to us from the lovely people of England, is 94-proof and everything you expect a gin to be, not a cent more.  But just owning a bottle that comes with its own cute little hat is enough to give this gin a try.  Now that you two have met, let me tell you whether or not you should care about this bloke.

    The distillery where Broker’s Gin is made is located near Birmingham, England and is over 200-years-old.  There had previously been a brewery on the site, but this was converted to a distillery at a time when gin making became more profitable than producing beer. The distillery uses only traditional pot stills.  Continuous distillation using column stills is more efficient and is used by the major brands, but pot stills are better for extracting maximum flavor from the botanicals in a traditional hand-crafted fashion.  Plus, There is an underground spring beneath the distillery that provides a source of soft, pure water.  The 200-year-old recipe for Broker’s Gin was chosen after taste-testing against several newer recipes.  The base spirit for Broker’s Gin is a triple-distilled pure grain spirit made from English wheat.  The flavor is provided by ten natural botanicals, the primary one of which is juniper berries, as in all gins.  Dried botanicals are sourced from all over the world and shipped to the distillery in sacks.  In the first step of the flavor infusion process, the botanicals are steeped (soaked) in the base spirit in the still for 24 hours.  The still is then fired up for the final, fourth distillation, which completes the process.

    Broker’s solo taste is exactly what you would expect a plain gin to taste like.  It’s a sour, burning citrus flavor with nothing exciting or really disappointing coming from it.  It doesn’t taste good, but its not too bad either.  I can’t really say too much about a gin that is so plain and unimpressive.  Even mixed in a martini or with tonic, it’s shine was a very lackluster one.  Broker’s really suffers from the fat girl in a cute dress syndrome.  The fat girl wearing a cute dress isn’t attractive; she is just a fat girl in a cute dress.  Broker’s gin mixed with any good mixer doesn’t taste any more delicious; it just tastes like a basic gin combined with mixers that could probably used for something better.

    Now you are probably wondering, why even spend a cent on this gin?  The answer lies in the drunk it gives you.  The 94-proof of this gin goes straight to work getting you where you want to be after a long day of work.  A funny thing happens when Broker’s start taking hold of you.  That bottle that I was so keen on before with its cute little hat really started to piss me off.  “How dare this bottle wear a hat,” I began to grumble.  The bottle started giving off that “I’m better than you because I have a hat” look.  When you are drunk, especially the way Broker’s makes you drunk, nothing will piss you off more than someone who acts like they are better than you.  I’ll be damned if I let a bottle treat me like that!  Well, I guess drunken rage got the better of me, and the bottle didn’t survive the night.  It caught the Office Space beat-down.

    As what happens with any liquor that can cause a drunken fury as fast as this one, it left me with a harsh hangover.  I felt like I caught the beat-down the night before.  I had an upset stomach, headache, cotton mouth, and breath that could give the blind sight, then take it away.  It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but it wasn’t any walk in the park, either.  It took a good 12 hours before I even cared to look at booze again.

    You should be able to find a 750ml bottle of Broker’s gin for around $20.  That’s not much for the for the drunk you’ll get, but there are other gins that do it better for less.  With that said, all those other gins will leave you with a hangover twice as bad.  If you are a gin drinker, this is one you will probably want to pass on.  It doesn’t bring anything new to the table.  It tastes like they did just enough to this booze to call it gin and decided that was good enough.  Maybe that’s why they gave the bottle a hat, to distract you from the basic 5 shots gin inside.  Personally, I’ll stick to Tanqueray Rangpur, which is still the best gin I have ever tasted for the money.  So give Broker’s a try if you just want a gin to get you wasted, but don’t expect much more than that.

Sipability – 5.0

Mixability – 5.5

Drunkability – 8.0

Hangover-ability – 6.0

Bang for the Buck – 7.0

Overall – 6.0 

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     Beefeater Gin was created in the early 1860’s by James Burrough, and the recipie remains nearly unchanged since.  It is made from nine hand-picked natural botanicals that are added to the pure grain spirit.  Juniper, angelica root and seeds, coriander seeds, liquorice, almonds, orris root, seville oranges, and lemon peel are all steeped for 24 hours prior to the eight-hour distillation.  Today, Beefeater Gin is produced in Kennington, London, England.  

     In case you can’t tell they are proud by the label, the James Burrough Company boasts that they are the only premium London dry gin that is still made in London.  In the United Kingdom, the Beefeaters are known as the ceremonial guardians of the Tower of London and also the safeguarders of the British crown jewels.  Perhaps the “Beefeater” figure on the bottle symbolizes the company’s desire to embrace their gin-producing heritage, but what the hell do I know?  I’m no English major.  I just want to embrace liquor.

     Beefeater Gin smells very much like traditional gin.  The insides of the bottle smell like a fresh pine forest in the winter time.  Sipping it on the rocks tastes like consuming a pine forest that has been set aflame.  It’s a mild burn, and the juniper flavor is almost so overpowering as to cover it or at least diminish it a bit.  It’s not a disgusting taste by any means, but I wouldn’t really go for this stuff on the rocks unless I had to choose between that or sobriety.  When combined with tonic water, some of the subtleties of the gin become more apparent.  The juniper is still the most overpowering of the botanicals, especially up front, but the citrus botanicals really spring out during the finish.  This finish is a very dry one that doesn’t linger too long.  If you were to look up gin in a dictionary, Beefeater should be pictured.  It’s taste is what I would call textbook gin.  It’s focused and good for what it is, but at the same time, nothing special has been added to make me crave it.

     Maybe the Beefeater on the front of the bottle isn’t an homage to the English heritage at all,  the Beefeater could actually be guarding the dark secret within the bottle.  What could this dark secret be?  Well, Beefeater simply did not get me drunk.  I was shocked!  This gin is 94-proof in the United States (80-proof everywhere else), but it didn’t give me anything more than a buzz.  I had a total of maybe seven drinks but still felt as though I had only consumed a couple ounces.  The buzz itself was light and nice, but I really wanted a drunk that night.  Don’t turn to this stuff if you are looking to get hammered.  Oddly enough, the next morning, I still had a noticeable headache and a little grogginess.  That’s two thumbs down in my book.

     A bright spot for this gin is the price.  You can get a 750ml bottle for around $17.  That makes it a real candidate for a permanent place on the shelf in your home bar.  If it did more to produce drunken bliss, I think it would be a good liquor to stock for someone who really enjoys the taste of traditional dry gin.  Perhaps I was drinking this stuff on an “off” night.  Perhaps this stuff will give you an awesome buzz.  Perhaps the Beefeater is guarding a sober little secret.  Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps you should give it a try and let us know what you think.

Sipability – 6.0

Mixability – 6.5

Drunkability – 4.0

Hangover-ability – 7.5

Bang for the Buck – 9.0

Overall - 6.0 

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     Seagram’s gin has always been a staple at many bars and homes.  Seagram’s is usually a lower-shelf gin compared to some others out there, but its smaller price tag keeps it popular among the masses.  And with the new addition of Seagram’s Distiller’s Reserve, there is sure to be another gin taking up space in your liquor closet.  Well, I don’t know about it being the next gin taking permanent space in my liquor closet, but it will surely be one of the strongest.

     Seagram’s is made mainly from juniper berries, alongside many other herbs and spices to create its flavor.  Each batch of Distiller’s Reserve is crafted by their master distiller.  After sampling hundreds of batches, he or she selects the handful of samples that are the richest in character and distinctive in aroma and botanical essence.  Then they carefully blend the barrel-proof batches together to create what is called the Seagram’s Distiller’s Reserve.

     There are no surprises with the taste of this gin.  Distiller’s Reserve tastes exactly like what you would expect a 102-proof gin to taste.  It has the same pine tree taste that most gins are known to have, but this one is a little different.  It tastes like a forest of pine trees engulfed in flames.  Oh yes, she burns!  Gin is an acquired taste.  And let’s just say Seagram’s Distiller’s Reserve barely meets the requirements to be considered part of that acquired taste.  I wouldn’t recommend trying to drink this as a stand-alone drink.  This is an endeavor that only a few select men will be willing to undertake.

     Distiller’s Reserve isn’t much better mixed.  It has such a strong taste that mixing it just tastes like a futile attempt to water it down.  And when something tastes more like it is diluted than tasting like an actual mixed drink, it just comes off bad.  However, on the same note, the power of this gin is so strong that it needs to be mixed with something for acceptable consumption.

     Seagram’s Distiller’s Reserve has something extra that most other liquors do not have.  It is the spectacular Seagram’s bottle.  This thing is incredible!  It’s made so that there is just no way you can drop this bottle.  You can be too drunk to walk but still keep a sturdy grip on this bottle.  The rippled contour design seems to be made to fit perfectly into any drunk’s hand.  And seeing how Distiller’s Reserve is 102-proof, you just might need the sure-grip.  Luckily, when you’re hammered, you can still pour more with this nifty bottle.  The bottle is also easy to throw in the morning when you wake up with a hangover that might make you want to quit drinking for the 100th time this year. 

     After a couple sips, you don’t really care how Distiller’s Reserve tastes.  You probably won’t care about the taste of anything at that point.  Paying $16 for a sure drunk in a handy bottle may sound like a good value, but I’ll leave up to you.  The taste is really harsh, and the hangover will be one that you will not soon forget.  The Seagram’s Distiller’s Reserve may not be a bottle that you will keep on your shelf at home, but it is worth a try.  So, try it and when you get wasted, come back to our site and leave some drunken thoughts in our forum’s Druken Ramblings section.

Sipability – 5.0

Mixability – 5.0

Drunkability – 8.5

Hangover-ability – 3.0

Bang for the Buck – 8.0

Overall – 5.5

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