Though not nearly as exciting to the seasoned alcoholic as a tasty whiskey or tequila may be, liqueurs do have their place in the wonderful world of booze.  They often add the right amount of sweetness to mixed drinks, while providing a little boost in alcohol content.  We here at BoozeBasher are all about anything that helps drinks contain more happy juice.  After being satisfied by Grand Mariner, we thought Cointreau orange liqueur would be another interesting spirit to put to the test. 
 
    I’ve always had a tough time with the pronunciation of Cointreau (pronounced [kwan'-tro]).  I would love to claim that my ignorance is unique,  but I have heard Cointreau pronounced at least five different ways while drowning assorted life pains at local watering holes.  I myself must have used at least three of those pronunciations, but now that you know the correct way to request this spirit, you can leave ignorant rumblings to the professional buffoons such as myself (buffoon local #4352).  Be sure to pronounce it correctly as you read so that it can still roll off the tongue when you are pathetically drunk.
 
    Cointreau is a brand of triple sec liqueur produced in a suburb of Angers, France since 1875.  The Cointreau Distillery was founded in 1849 by a confectioner name Adolphe Cointreau and his brother, Edouard-Jean.  Even though tours of the distillery are open to the public, the production methods are still a family secret and no photos are allowed during tours.  The bitter oranges used in its creation come from all over the world.  They boast that mixture of bitter orange peels and sweet oranges make a delicious clear spirit.  Burlesque entertainer Dita Von Teese has jumped onboard for Cointreau’s new “Be Cointreauversial” advertising campaign.  Sex sells.  I’m sure we could boost our traffic if we had pictures of really attractive and perhaps scantily-clad ladies holding bottles of their favorite booze.  We here at BoozeBasher are obviously above such tactics, but feel free to send such pictures here to perhaps change our mind.   
 
    Many people sip on Cointreau as an apéritif or digestif, so you might expect the taste over ice to be sweet and pleasant.  Up front, it’s a little harsh for a liqueur.  There is a bit of a burn, and the bitter orange flavor is pretty intense.  It does provide a decent sweet finish and aftertaste, but this is one I would much prefer to drink in a mixed drink or shooter.  I don’t think it would doo much for my appetite.  Mixed with Sprite, Cointreau yields a very pleasant taste.  It gives the drink a delicious citrus taste that isn’t too overpowering.  The mixture makes the Sprite taste more carbonated.  It’s similar to drinking mandarin vodka with sprite, but the taste is a bit sweeter and less harsh.  It would be a good drink for girly men or people who don’t like the taste of alcohol.  I rather enjoy one every now and then.  That hardly makes me a girly man though, right?  You might want to check out our margarita recipe article to get some drink making ideas.

    Although Cointreau is a liqueur, it is in fact 80-proof.  Unfortunately, the drunk wasn’t too awesome at quelling the life pains.  Cointreau got me a quick buzz, but things never really progressed past that point.  After consuming several drinks, Cointreau sits pretty heavy on the stomach.  It made me feel rather bloated and really prevented me from my alcoholic indulgence that dominates my weekend activities.  Feeling bloated is never good for my confidence.  My lips became covered in stickiness that also found its way to my fingers.  I would normally be tempted to keep such information to myself, but since I was relatively sober the whole night, I will attribute it to the sticky liqueur.  The buzz was nice, but the bloated and blah feeling I got from drinking a few Cointreau drinks really kept me from getting to that happy drunken place.  Since Cointreau didn’t get me drunk, there really was no hangover the next day.  I suppose that was a little surprising from a liqueur, but it seems silly to be too happy about it since I didn’t get the drunk I wanted the night before.

    At around $40, Cointreau will put a serious hurting on your pocket book.  I can’t say that I would really pay that much for it on a regular basis.  It’s tough to spend that kind of money on something that is going into a mixed drink or shooter.  Hell, that’s a lot to spend on any liqueur.  However, if a certain special lady wants to drink Cointreau, you should go buy it!  Anything that could possibly make you look better to a special someone (or the flavor of the evening) is worth it’s weight in gold…or some other assorted cliché.

Sipability – 6.0

Mixability – 7.5

Drunkability – 6.0

Hangover-ability – 8.5

Bang for the Buck - 4.0

Overall -  7.0   

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      I know there are a lot of people out there who have a really hard time drinking tequila.  There is a name for this group of people, and they are called “little girls.”  Little girls are easy to spot at the bar.  They are usually the ones whining about how they’ll take of shot of anything except tequila.  Another easy way to spot these people is they can often be seen taking a tequila shot that has 8 ounces of salt on the rim of the glass, which they lick off, then quickly chase with a whole lime.  They do all this, yet in the end, they sit and bitch about how much the tequila burns.  I’m sure everyone knows someone that falls in this group.  So this review is for the little girls out there that can’t handle man tequila.  If you want to go get the little girl now and tell her I have something for her, go ahead.  I’ll wait.  Okay, is everyone back?  Here we go.  I’d like to introduce to you Tarantula Azul.  Tarantula Azul isn’t really a tequila but a tequila liqueur.  What does that mean? It means it’s a tequila that has built-in training wheels for all the little girls out there.

      On the Tarantula page, they don’t offer up anything on its history or how it’s made.  They mostly just offer drink recipes.  All I discovered was that this tequila is blened and bottled in Italy.  But they did have this kick ass promo picture. 

    Tarantula Azul has a very unique taste.  At first, Azul tastes a little like honey but immediately opens up into a strong citrus flavor.  While this flavor explosion is happening in your mouth, you will start to notice a familiar burn taking over your tongue.  That’s when you realize your old friend tequila is making an appearance.  If it weren’t for that burn, I wouldn’t have been able to tell that I was even drinking tequila.  For a lot of people this is a good thing, but if you are like me and enjoy tasting your poison, it’s kind of a letdown.  The sweet citrus flavor seems good at first, but after a few sips, I was tired of the taste.  That sweet flavor just became annoying to me.  So I did what I do with anything that starts to annoy me, I drowned it. (Sorry Kelly, your cat Mr. PusPus didn’t run away.)  In this case, I didn’t use the ocean but a bit of Sprite© instead.  The Sprite took the burn away, but that’s about all it did.  The Tarantula Azul mixed with Sprite makes for a more fun drink, but the sweet flavor still  started to annoying to me pretty quickly.  The sweet taste just overpowered my tastebuds after awhile.  This is very much a “Girl Drink Drunk” liqueur.  I think a better mixer would be vodka, or maybe Tarantula Azul would be better suited for some kind of ultra-prenium margarita.

      Now I know what you are thinking: Will Tarantula Azul have you hosting your own Pants-Off Dance-Off in the bar?  The answer is probably not.  Azul is 70-proof, but you are more likely to become hyper way before you become drunk.  I went through 6 shots before I decided to mix it with a little vodka to get my drunk going.  Azul felt more like an energy drink with a decent amount of alcohol.  Unfortunately, I got that energy drink crash the next morning.  I awoke feeling groggy and out of it.  Plus, my body was sore in ways I didn’t understand.  I’m not saying it had anything to do with the liqueur.  I’m just saying I’m getting old.

      The going price on this 70-proof tequila gem is around $26.  You can probably find it cheaper at your local place of booze sales.  We found ours for $17 because the store was going out of business.  Now remember there are Tarantula mini mixed drinks that are sold for around $6 that are perfect.  We even wrote an article about them.  Tarantula Azul is very much a woman’s tequila…well, women and all you little girls out there.  It’s tequila with its own training wheels.  The taste isn’t bad in small doses, plus you can get a hyper buzz off it.  Tarantula Azul is a good drink to wake you up for a long night of exorcising the sober demon from the body.  So next time you are heading on your weekend trek, go ahead and start with one or two rounds of a drink that has Tarnatula Azul in it.

Sipability – 6.5

Mixability – 8.0

Drunkability – 5.0

Hangover-ability – 3.0

Bang for the Buck – 5.0

Overall -  5.5   

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   Everybody wants to be the favorite.  Maybe you want to be the favorite guy at the office always getting the promotions.  Maybe you want to be that hot chick you know’s favorite booty call.  Maybe you want to be the bartender’s favorite patron always getting the free drinks.  These are all noble desires, and Disaronno is no different claiming to be “The World’s Favorite Italian Liquor”.  While we cannot validate that, we can determine if it is Boozebasher’s favorite Italian liqueur, and it has some stiff competition considering how much we like Galliano.

   The origins of Disaronno Amaretto reach all of the way back to 1525 during the Italian Renaissance when Bernardino Luini was commissioned by the Santa Maria delle Grazie to paint a fresco of the Madonna.  Needing a model of appropriate beauty, he called on an innkeeper he had met on a previous trip to Saronno Italy.  I hardly think I need to mention that their relationship was a bit more than business.  Once the “Adoration of the Magi” fresco was complete, she presented him with a concoction to express her gratitude and affection.  This elixer contained brandy, apricot kernels and her own recipe of spices.  It is that same recipe used in every bottle of Disaronno Amaretto on the shelves today.  Disaronno is a time capsule reaching back almost 500 years, and you don’t even have to be a famous dead painter to get your hands on it.

   ILLVA, the producers of Disaronno, combine burnt sugar, alcohol, apricot kernel oil, and a secret recipe of 17 herbs and spices to produced this almond liqueur that is loved worldwide.  It does not take a real Einstein to figure out if you will like Disaronno.  Do you like almonds and apricots?  If so, then you are probably going to like this almond-apricot flavored liquor.  If you think almonds and apricots are best used for flinging at the neighborhood children playing on your lawn, then I suggest you look elsewhere.  The initial flavor is dominated by smooth almond and fades into a hint of bitterness before the sweet apricot takes over and lingers for an exceptionally long time.  Beware, this is one sweet liqueur and the first 3 drinks on the rocks are quite enjoyable.  However, I find that the fourth is just too cloying to get down with a smile on my face.  Fortunately for us, some intrepid drinker invented the Amaretto sour and Disaronno makes one fine Amaretto sour. 

   One major drawback to Disaronno is the fact that it is only 56-proof.  So, while it mixes well with a number of things, we suggest you mix it with a little more potent booze if you expect to get very tipsy.  Their website has a number of cocktails if you are looking from some inspiration.  Don’t get too carried away though, as the sugar content of any amaretto can leave you regretting the previous night’s consumption the morning after.

    There are a variety of amaretto liquors available at your local liquor store, and at $26 a fifth, Disaronno is definitely not the cheapest.  However, only one can claim they are still using the 500 year old originale recipe.  If you are a fan of almonds or apricots, we suggest you give it a try.  Hey, it has to be the “The World’s Favorite Italian Liquor” for some reason.

Sipability – 8.0

Mixability – 8.5

Drunkability – 3.5

Hangover-ability – 6.5

Bang for the Buck – 6.5

Overall - 6.5 

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