Let me open by asking “why?”  Why, Dionysus (Greek god of wine, intoxication, and everything good)?  Why would you let this this liquor be released upon the earth below?  Are you upset with us, your loyal alcoholic followers?  Was it your contempt for all the non-believers of booze?  I offer my apologizes to you in hopes that you will end this liquor plague know as Montezuma tequila.  I think this tequila is the real Montezuma’s revenge.

    I couldn’t find much on the history or how Montezuma is actually made.  I guess they want to keep it secret…a sad, sad, secret that no one should know.  But seeing how it is my job to inform you of these things, I’m going to take a stab in the dark at it.  Montezuma Aztec Gold tequila is made through a complex process in the darkest parts of Mexico.  First, they find the nastiest Mexican bar they can find, which probably isn’t too difficult Mexico.  Then they proceed to find the finest ingredients and mix them with the finest agave plants to make quite tasty tequila.  They must then proceed to give this fine tequila to all the patrons of said watering hole until they are completely wasted, can barely stand, and aren’t able to keep moist air down, not to mention another shot.  Once the mad dash to the bathroom concludes, the patrons start to puke up all the fine ingredients and tequila flavor from the nights events, this is known as Montezuma’s distilling process.  All the fluids left over from the “distilling process” are flushed into a huge metal container made of the finest craftsmanship where all the chunky parts are filtered out.  When the process is over, the fluid appears to be a golden color.  Once the liquid is drained out of its metal housing, it is bottled and sent to America.  Well, at least that’s how I think it’s made, but that’s just my own conjecture.

    Montezuma has a very distinct smell, much like the smell of vomit.  I have admit that when I tasted it, I wasn’t surprised to find it tasted almost exactly as it smelled.  I actually immediately threw the shot of it back up.  This is the first time I have ever seen my body reject liquor sober.  There is a positive side to it coming back up, and that was it covered the horrible burn from tequila with the horrible burn of throw-up.  The best way I can describe the taste of Montezuma is to liken it to waking after a long night of drinking and going about your day but getting those burps that are half burp, half puke.  That is what this tequila tastes like.  As of now, that kinda of throw-up burp is now called Montezuma.

    Mixed, I have to say unless you are going to make Margaritas out of some really quality mix (if you are buying quality mixers, you should go ahead and get better tequila), you are going to taste the wrath of Montezuma’s revenge. Besides that, hiding Montezuma behind a mixer is like hiding a horse in a hay stack.  If what to know what your favorite mixer tastes like if you were to mix it with the flavor of what you created on your knees in the morning in front of your toilet, try it mixed with Montezuma.

    I can’t tell you how drunk this 80-proof tequila made me because it was nearly impossible for me to keep it down.  And if I can’t keep it down, how can it give me a hangover?  I’m going to go ahead though and give a low, fitting hangover rating that would compare to most cheap tequila then subtract a little more since you will have to force this tequila down your throat.  Any liquor you have to force down, won’t have much trouble coming up.  It will probably leave you feeling like the drunk, easy girl after a frat party (there’s really no clarification needed for that statement).  Let’s just say, “bad times will follow.”

    You can probably find Montezuma for around $17 at your local booze-gathering place, but I would recommend just saving your money.  There are better tequilas for a few more bucks.  There’s no reason to buy this tequila.  It smells bad, tastes bad, looks bad, hell, even the label on bottle is pretty ugly.  Next time you go to a bar to get a tequila drink and see the bartender pour Montezuma in your cup, just reach over the bar and slap him or her (women can be awesome bartenders), then leave.  If they have Montezuma behind the bar, you probably don’t need to be in that place anyway.  If you want a cheap tequila stick to Jose Cuervo or anything else.  Montezuma is gold that the Aztecs can keep.

Shootability - 2.0

Mixability - 3.0

Drunkability - 2.0

Hangover-ability - 2.5

Bang for the Buck - 3.5

Overall - 2.5  

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    Anyone who has read our page in the last few months should already know about our new found love interest in Trago tequila.  Well, all good things have to come to an end, and our love for Trago tequila concludes with Trago Reposado.  It’s true.  I don’t love the Trago Reposado because the word “love” isn’t strong enough for me.  I suggest that since I know no word stronger than love, I wish to submit this entry to the dictionary:

trago - noun, verb, adjective, trago·ed, trago·ing

-verb
1. to adore something or someone far more than the word love could ever express

-adjective
1. better than great
2. ridiculously good

-noun
1. a delicious tequila
2. Jessica Biel

    Webster, think about it and get back to me.  This is the best f-ing reposado tequila that I have ever put in my mouth.  It is the best tequila I have ever tasted, not counting the Trago Añjeo (the jury is still out on that choice).  There is no reason for a tequila to be this good!  I just hope by reading this review that you can understand why I “trago” the Trago Reposado. 

    I’m not going to waste your time again giving you a history lesson about Trago.  If you don’t know it by now, you can check our Trago feature article, Blanco review, or Añejo review to see where all the magic started.  I’m just going to dive right into the tasting points.

    When the scent from this bottle hits your nose, you can immediately smell that there is something dfferent about this reposado.  It’s got a buttery-sweet and slightly spicy scent.  When sipping Trago Reposado, you might describe the taste as something similar to the scent of a bouquet of roses.  There is a very soft tequila burn that you might expect from all tequila, but it never burns to the point where it becomes too much.  Instead, when it feels like it going to start burning too much, it dissipates and leaves a buttery-sweet agave taste in your mouth.  After the clean, dry aftertaste, I couldn’t tell if I just taken a shot of tequila or just eaten the best piece of cake in the world.  It’s like an 8-foot-tall monster of a man walking up to you and saying, “I’m going to kick your ass” then walking away, sending Jessica Biel over to sit half-naked on your bathroom sink.  I mean, just look at her sitting there!  There is no reason for her to be that “trago.”  I’m sorry, it’s hard for me to focus with that picture there.

    Personally, I was against the whole idea of mixing Trago Reposado…until I tried it.  I tired it mixed simply with Sprite©, and it was so good I wanted to slap the person who gave it to me for not bringing it faster.  All the flavor was turned up 5x, and the burn remained just enough to remind me that tequila memory loss may soon follow.  Lucky for me, that wasn’t the case this time.  After drinking a little more than 30% of the bottle, I had a pretty good buzz going.  I could tell that if I kept drinking at the same rate, I would find myself in the bathroom the next morning, bent over the sink, looking “trago” sexy, sitting there like the best Christmas gift, ever.  Sorry, I started looking at that picture again.

    The hangover the next day wasn’t anything outside of a weak headache.  It was probably the best tequila hangover I have ever experienced (when not throwing up the night before).  As far as headaches go, I could tell that this one was only going to get worse if I let it go unchecked, so I had a little snack and some pills to wipe the sucker right out.

    I know $65 for a 750ml bottle of tequila is a bit much, but if you are a tequila lover or someone who likes trying new expensive liquors, this one is a must-buy.  If you don’t like tequila, this one is still a good buy.  I’m just not sure someone who isn’t a tequila lover will want to give up 65 big ones for a delicious tequila.  Just know that buying one bottle might cause a Trago addiction and might make all other tequilas taste like liquid sadness.  I believe that everyone who likes to drink a lot and even social drinkers need to try Trago Reposado.  Just try it at least once, so your life won’t feel like a total waste.  Everyone needs to find something in life that he or she ”tragos” more than anything.  Hell, I’m having Trago now, and I’m “tragoing” it.  That’s Trago Reposado, not Jessica Biel on the bathroom sink, giving me something other than tequila to look for everyday when I get home from work.

Shootability - 9.0

Mixability - 9.5

Drunkability - 6.5

Hangover-ability - 8.5

Bang for the Buck - 3.5

Overall - 8.5   

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    Seeing how much we liked the Cabo Wabo Reposado, we couldn’t help but try the clear Cabo Wabo Blanco.  As with all blanco tequila, you can’t expect it to taste as refined as the reposado or anjeo versions, but you can count on it getting you drunk, causing memory loss, and giving you a hangover the next morning (you know, all the fun parts of drinking).  Starting with the first sip of from this Cabo’s bottle, you know it’s going to be a long night that you will only recall 30 minutes of the next day.

    To recap for all you guys who don’t remember, here’s a little Cabo history.  Cabo Wabo tequila was brought to life in 1996 on the back roads of Guadalajara of the state of Jalisco, Mexico.  After what seemed like eons of time searching for tequila of good enough quality to serve at the cantina and call his own, Sammy Hagar linked with a small Mexican tequila producer that had been in operation since 1937.  Although some of the players have changed since the birth and rise of Cabo Wabo, it continues to be grown and handmade by a well-established tequila family with deep roots in the tequila fields of Jalisco.  Now with that out of the way, we can talk about the important stuff a.k.a the Cabo Wabo Blanco.

    The Cabo Blanco really embodies the difference between the flavor of blanco and reposado tequila.  The Cabo Blanco burns pretty harshly.  The burning from this tequila overpowers the agave flavor.  It’s still there, but you really can’t pull the flavor out of the tequila until after you swallow.  With that said, the aftertaste is great.  It’s a mildly sweet agave flavor that ends up being rather delicious after it goes down.  But with the kind of burn that this blanco gives when it first hits your tongue, putting out a burning match in your mouth could be considered pleasant.  Luckily, there are a few easy fixes for this: you can chill the shot or simply mix it.  A mixer to Cabo Wabo Blanco is like a team of firemen sent in to handle the wildfire that Blanco would have surely started.  With a mixer, Cabo’s flavor is allowed come to the forefront.  You can really taste all 80-proof of alcohol and agave.  Unfortunately, no matter how you drink it, the Cabo Blanco doesn’t taste like anything special.  It just tastes like another tequila.  It still tastes better than most lower-shelf tequilas, but not by enough to pay the extra $10 to get a bottle.

    What is strange about this 80-proof bottle of tequila is that it takes a lot to get you where you need to be.  The amount needed to get a good buzz from the Cabo Wabo Blanco really isn’t fair, considering how much you had to pay to get it.  Anything that takes half a 750ml bottle to get you happy drunk just isn’t right.  In the Cabo’s defense, I am a bigger tequila drinker than most people.  Hell, who am I kidding?  I’m an out-right alcoholic!  So just because It didn’t get me loaded as quickly as I would like, it doesn’t mean that you won’t have better luck.  If I’m going to spend around $48 for some booze, I want something thats going to cover all the bases.

    I will give it credit for not giving me a bad hangover.  After a little more than half a bottle, I had a decent buzz going, and felt really sleepy.  It seems no matter what tequila I’m drinking or what level of drunk they can produce, they all share the trait of causing blackouts.  When I came to about three hours later, I felt great.  I was ready to go out and drink even more.  Any booze that helps you keep drinking is a good one.  Well, it’s good until you start mixing your poison with other types of booze.  Then you wake on top of a pool table with no pants, trying to explain why throwing up in the corner pocket was such a funny idea.

    If you aren’t a big tequila drinker, Cabo Wabo Blanco isn’t for you.  It costs a bit much, and the taste is a bit harsh for the causal drinker.  If you are a bargain shopper, you can buy two bottles of something that tastes slightly worse, but after a couple of shots I doubt you are going to care about that small difference.  Unless you are running some kind of liquor review site, this one should be a pass.  If you are dying for some Cabo Wabo, spend a little extra cash and get the reposado.

Shootablity - 7.0

Mixability - 8.0

Drunkability - 5.5

Hangover-ability - 7.0

Bang for the Buck - 4.5

Overall - 7.0  

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