WARNING!!! Milagro Reposado will give you a  I can’t drink tequila anymore because of last time” story.   After two parties where I have involved Milagro Reposado, there have been lap dances, nudity, throwing up, blackouts in random places, and unplanned hook ups which lead to more nudity.  Right about now I know you are looking for your keys so you can run out and buy a case of this stuff, but first stick around for the review.  If you are good, I might even post pictures of the parties (not likely).    

     Milagro Reposado is made from 100% estate-grown, hand-picked blue agave harvested from the highlands of Jalisco.  The heart of the blue agave is roasted in clay ovens made from the same volcanic-rich soil where the blue agave flourishes in Jalisco, Mexico.  The triple distillation process produces tequila with depth and character for a really smooth flavor.  Milagro Reposado is aged in oak barrels for six months in small, handmade batches for a mellowed taste and a pleasing bouquet.  Basically, all this hard work makes an 80-proof party in a bottle.

      The taste of Milagro isn’t the regular tequila flavor we all know and love/hate.  It has a light agave tequila flavor.  Its not rough and abusive like most other tequilas.  There is still that serious tequila burn that stings everything that it touches, but with tequila, this is just part of the story.  Personally, I can drink it by itself over ice.  Let me note, out of all the people that we have drunk with only the hardcore drinkers (Hunter and I) were able to handle it this way.  All the women with us have found the taste to be too overwhelming.  Also, it mave prove to be a bit much as well for all you guys who don’t have the conditioning from many nights of binge drinking.  A funny thing about the Milagro Reposado is that somewhere around the second or third shot, you stop caring about the taste…or much of anything.

     Now when mixed, you may find Milagro Reposado to be easier to handle, but I noticed that it still has the same problem that most tequilas have.  No matter how much you mix it, you still have that agave aftertaste.  There’s nothing you can do.  If tequila is involved, you are going to know it.  With that said, in a tequila Sunrise (tequila plus orange juice, topped with cherry grenadine)it’s AMAZING.  The tequila sunrises with Milagro Reposado held off all thoughts of slowing down the boozing.  Well, until the Milagro ran out anyway.

      With a tequila this smooth, it was easy for me to down a random high number of shots of it.  Sadly, after so many of Milagro’s 80-proof shots, I wasn’t drunk.  Now don’t forget I’m a real drunk, so just because I wasn’t on my ass doesn’t mean you won’t be.  Although I wasn’t drunk, I will admit I lost all of my inhibitions, and so did everyone else that consumed too much of this nectar.  It’s like Milagro taps into your subconscious mind and tells you to do things, bad things, and even worse things.  After about three ounces, you can actually feel yourself loosen up.  I wouldn’t call the feeling being drunk, it’s more like taking the stick out of your ass and starting to enjoy things around you.  I don’t think I would call that feeling ”drunk,” maybe just happy.  Plus, a great perk to Milagro is that girls grow more “affectionate,” and we’ll leave it at that.

     For me, there was no hangover the next day.  I felt fine.  I was groggy, but I think that was from lack of sleep.  The only thing that hurt in the morning was my wallet. Milagro Reposado isn’t cheap.  This 80-proof party enhancer rings up for around $46 for a 750ml bottle.  Is it worth it?  Yes!  It just goes fast…too fast.    

     Milagro Reposado is good tequila to make for a fun time and a lot of secrets.  If you have the money, you should definitely try it.  It hasn’t failed me yet.  And as long as you have the knowledge of how to make a good tequila mixed drink, it won’t fail you either.  I will warn you though, if you are planning on having a tequila party with Milagro Reposado, make sure there aren’t any cameras around because things happen that you don’t always want to have proof of…and some things happen that you do.  Just make sure to have a designated spot for clothing.  Nothing is worse than trying to find your pants or a sock in a crowed room filled with naked people.

Shootability – 7.0

Mixability – 8.0

Drunkability – 6.5

Hangover-ability – 5.5

Bang for the Buck - 7.0

Overall - 7.0  

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     Greetings fellow drinkers!  I know I’ve been absent for quite some time.  I am not even sure how long, as there was a couple month bender hidden in there.  It is Christmas next week right?  Anyway, I happened upon an article with some interesting facts about alcohol.  The article contained 35 facts, but quite a few of those were plain boring.  I hate when people add to a list just to make it bigger and more impressive.  Pretentious assholes.  Without any further adieu, and in no particular order, here are my favorites from that list:

-    The word “toast,” which means wishing good health, originated in ancient Rome.  A piece of toasted bread was literally dropped into wine back then.

-    The soil of one of the vineyards in France is considered so precious that it is mandatory for workers to scrape the soil off their shoes before they leave.

 -    Anyone under the age of 21 should be careful of taking out trash bags in Missouri.  If you are under 21 and the garbage contains an empty bottle of alcohol, you can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol.

-    The national anthem of United States, “The Star Spangled Banner,” was written to the tune of a drinking song.

-    Although “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” is considered to be the shortest sentence that includes all the letters of the alphabet, alcohol lovers came up with one of their own “Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.”

-    Most vegetables and almost all fruits contain a small amount of alcohol in them. 

-    The first Thanksgiving Day didn’t include mashed potatoes, turkey, and all other foods that we usually eat on this particular day. However, there was beer, brandy, gin, and wine.

-    Adolf Hitler was one of the world’s best known abstainers from alcohol.

-    Sir Winston Churchill was one of the world’s heaviest drinkers.

-    The world’s oldest known recipe is for beer.

-    United States has the highest minimum drinking age in the entire world.

-    In the 1600’s, thermometers used to be filled with brandy instead of mercury.

-    There is a cloud of alcohol in the outer space which is enough to make four trillion-trillion drinks.

-    It is illegal to feed alcohol to moose in Alaska and fish in Ohio.

-    Distilled spirits such as brandy, gin, rum, tequila, etc. contain no carbohydrates, no fat,s and no cholesterol of any kind.

-    A mixed drink that contains carbonated drink is absorbed into the body more quickly than straight shots.

-    Abraham Lincoln held a liquor license and operated several taverns.

-    All spirits (unlike beer and wine) are originally clear and colorless. The golden brown and other colors are achieved due to the aging process.

-    Here is another one we found that relates to Texas: Texas state law prohibits taking more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

-    The BATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) prohibits the use of word “refreshing” to describe any alcoholic beverage.

     So, there you have it, 20 of the 35 fascinating facts that I thought were worth knowing.  If you want to see the rest, suit yourself.  You will just realize how right I am again.  Everyone always does because I am always right.

http://cognac.com/35-interesting-and-fun-alcohol-facts/

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     I want to start this review off with one question, how have I been living my life without this rum?  Sailor Jerry spiced rum is the kick in the ass that every rum drinker needs to get out of the boring rum cycle that many of us have come to know.  Sailor Jerry is here to make companies like Bacardi and Captain Morgan up their rum game.  Who says change is a bad thing?  This affordable, flavorful, 92-proof beauty of a rum shouldn’t be overlooked.

     After five years of selling shirts, jackets, socks, and ash trays, the people of Sailor Jerry felt something was missing.  That something was booze, so they decided to make their own.  They knew the booze they made would have to be consistent with the bold spirit and high standards of the tattooist, Sailor Jerry.  One of the few ways to see the world in the old days was being a sailor.  The downside was it took a heck of a long time to get to see these places around the world.  That meant lots of hours aboard a ship in the middle of the ocean with no women and no bars.  But one thing they did have on board was rum…barrels of it.  They also had loads of spices, dried fruits, and other items that the ships transported, so sailors got creative and came up with their own special recipes of spiced rum.  After collecting old recipes and late nights of taste testing, the fine people of Sailor Jerry developed Sailor Jerry spiced rum, a 92-proof blend of Caribbean-style rum with vanilla, lime, and other spices.

     Sailor Jerry’s has a a very unique taste.  I’m happy to say it’s unlike any other rum I have ever tasted.  There’s a light, almost non-existent taste when it first hits your tongue, but maybe a second later, there is a hard hit of spicy caramel rum flavor.  And where most high-proof rums give you a high-proof burn, Sailor Jerry’s burn comes along with a boat load of flavor.  I couldn’t decide if I was afraid or if I wanted it to last forever.  Seeing how I drank the whole bottle…then another, I guess I didn’t want it to end.  Don’t get me wrong, there is certainly a burn.  When you drink something this strong you have to expect a burn.  The difference is this burn is backed by flavor.  And when poured over ice, that watered-down taste could cure the worst case of sea sickness.  When we start talking about Sailor Jerry’s mixed, I think I need to be Poseidon before I even speak of such an act.  To put it simply; I hope the people at Coke are paying the the guys at Sailor Jerry’s for making that stuff taste the way God himself intended.  NOTHING should be this good, NOTHING!  If you feel differently, you probably worship the devil(there, I said it).  Mated with something as simple as Cola, Sailor Jerry will change your life.  That 92-proof burn vanished; all you taste is delicious carbonated flavor.  There really isn’t a fair way to describe it.  All I can say is try it.  It’s easy to make, and it is delicious.

     Now at 92-proof, there is no question of whether or not it will get you drunk.  But if you haven’t gotten your sea legs, I’ll go ahead and tell you yes, it will.  If you can drink five shots of Sailor Jerry’s and still walk and talk at the same time, then you are a better man than I.  I was gone.  It surprised the hell out of me.  There wasn’t a single notion that I was getting drunk, but all of the sudden, I realized I couldn’t feel my legs.  That might be good on the high seas, but when you are walking through clubs and bars, things get difficult.  Hell, I even wanted to go see the original Sailor Jerry in Hawaii and get a tattoo from him.  You know you have to be a badass to get a delicious rum named after you.

     The hangover was almost as I expected.  There was a bit of headache, but I could still go to work and continue to do the stuff I hate.  For a 92-proof ass-whooping, I have to say the hangover wasn’t too bad.  When compared to the 151 hangovers where the act of crawling becomes a serious task, this one was nothing.  There was cotton mouth and a headache, but I still had the ability to eat and keep everything down.  For drinking a little more than a third of the bottle, that’s a good thing.

     As for price, unless you can’t afford to buy happiness at $23 for a half gallon, then maybe this isn’t for you.  But if you can forego buying pizza for a day, buy Sailor Jerry’s now.  No really, buy it now!  It’s really cheap and damn good.  What could you be saving the 23 dollars for?  College?  Child support?  Kid’s food? Abortions?  Wait…no, save money for abortions, they make the world a better place.  As for everything else, Sailor Jerry’s is more important.  Your mom can get her chemo money by some other means.  You need this.  I need you to have this.

     So honestly why are you still sitting here reading and not out buying Sailor Jerry’s rum?  It’s the closest most of us will ever get to true happiness.  If you aren’t afraid  to get a little hair on your chest(this goes for you too, ladies), you need to get a bottle of this rum.  There’s nothing else to say.  Go buy some Sailor Jerry’s, and you can thank me later.

Sipability – 8.5

Mixability – 9.0

Drunkability – 9.0

Hangover-ability – 6.0

Bang for the Buck - 9.0

Overall - 8.5  

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