Liquor Review: Aristocrat

     Aristocrat Royal Vodka is produced in Bardstown, Kentucky by Heaven Hill Distilleries.  This distillery was founded shortly after prohibition and has grown to become the largest independent, family-owned producer and marketer of distilled spirits in the United States.  They produce many other spirits along with Aristocrat, including whiskeys, bourbons, Scotch whiskeys, vodkas, and even liquors.  That’s all fine and dandy, but let’s see how well they did with the Aristocrat brand …

     When taking a sip of Aristocrat Vodka, you can’t help but cringe a little at first from the rubbing alcohol-like essence, but the sting of the initial taste doesn’t linger too badly.  As you may expect, I was not at all impressed with the flavor of this vodka, and I would not look forward to sipping it on the rocks even after the longest day of work.  That being said, the fact that the poor initial taste did not linger and soon succumbed to a mildly enjoyable warmth kept Aristocrat Vodka from registering a total miss on the sipability scale.

     While sipping Aristocrat Vodka left plenty to be desired, the taste when mixed with Sprite© almost made up for it.  It definitely wasn’t anything special, but it was actually kind of refreshing.  The drink tasted like Sprite© with a mild rubbing-alcohol aftertaste.  I wouldn’t say Aristocrat Vodka was a perfect compliment to the beverage or anything close, but it left me with a comforting feeling after each sip.  That could just be my inner vodka-loving personality shining through, but I found the cheapish vodka aftertaste mixed with the Sprite© to be a warm and fuzzy foreshadowing of the drunk that was to come.

     Aristocrat Vodka certainly got the job done in getting me drunk.  The buzz that came was kind of a sloppy buzz for a vodka; it wasn’t quite as much as a tequila, but it lacked a certain refinement I often attribute to vodka buzzes.  It really did a wonderfully intoxicating job for a vodka (I’m usually pretty resistant to the effects of vodka spirits).  I was surprised that I was still able to compete at a decent level in our heated Nintendo Wii Sports Bowling battles.  I tend to loosen up and bowl better in real life after a few drinks, so perhaps alcohol had a similar effect on me with this bowling game.  Please note that the BoozeBasher crew does not endorse drinking and Wii-ing in tandem, as it may pose a threat to the health of your TV, your Wii-mote, and most of your friends present.  Luckily, the only thing I hurt while Wii-ing was a plethora of bowling pins.

     Even though the buzz Aristocrat Vodka gave me aided my bowling prowess, it made my head thump a little the next morning.  Honestly though, at $9 for a 750mL bottle, I wouldn’t expect anything but a hefty hangover.  I’m sure most members of any Aristocracy would turn their blue-blooded noses up at the idea of consuming any spirit this cheap.  However, Aristocrat Vodka is a pretty good bargain for any budget-conscious individual who wants to get sloppy for a ridiculously cheap price.  Just make sure you don’t have anything planned too early the next day.

Sipability - 3.0

Mixability - 4.5

Drunkability - 7.0

Hangover-ability - 6.0

Bang for the Buck - 9.5

Overall - 5.0     

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